x Fist Pumpin' Ma Heart 3 x
by itsaslash
Summary: Ronnie from Jersey Shore embarks on his lifes quest to find enlightenment, but ends up learning about love from a very special soul. Rengu/Ponnie Crossover. Rated M for mature content, language, and some descriptive luv making.
1. Introduction: Fist pumpin

**Introduction**

It was only a matter of time before Ronnie hopped a plane and set off for the great unknown. Besides being an extremely talented reality TV star, he was also a philosopher of modern times, some even considering him the Plato or Homer of his generation. Leaving Italy left Ronnie feeling unaccomplished and generally unsatisfied with the lack of education he found in the great city of Florence, Italy. Now it was Ronnie's time to shine; to sail the seven seas, to dig up Egyptian tombs and solve the world's greatest mysteries.  
>Adjusting his bejewelled monocle, Ronnie kicked back in his coach seat on the plane. Where he was heading first, he had no idea, seeing as he not only bought his ticket when he was drunk, but also most likely entered the wrong gate as he was fighting off his crazy bitch ex-girlfriend Sam with one hand and therefore, failed to pay attention to any of the signs. Ronnie, being the genius he was would usually piece two and two together when the airline played it's welcoming message addressing the destination, however, Ron had just bootlegged a copy of some random shit ass CD on his Ipod, and missed the announcement.<br>If he had heard the announcement, he might have just been considerate enough to leave his Ipod on the airplane setting. That simple mistake, the only one Ronnie had ever made during his short existence, would cause the greatest tragedy, and most beautiful gift Ronnie would ever receive.


	2. Chapter 1: A clay heart

Chapter 1: A clay heart

Ronnie awoke to flames at his feet, and couldn't help thinking "damn, this track is HOT son!"  
>However, once the smell of burning hair infiltrated his senses, a smell he was quite used to living with Snooki who would drunkenly pass out straightening her hair, he realized no track, no matter how hot and how duuuurty, could create such a smell.<p>

"Someone got beef with me on this flying ride?" Ronnie screamed out in a fury, still not grabbing the sense to open his eyes. "I'll knock you all out with one punch son, ONE PUNCH."

No one replied. No one even squeaked in fear. This bothered Ronnie.  
>He stumbled to his feet, still in a drunken stir. Finally, after opening his eyes, he realized the plane had crashed. <p>

"When did that happen?"Ronnie thought to himself, _"Probably somewhere between Like a G6 and Keep it goin' louder" _his brilliant, artistic mind finished for him.

Ron did what all concerned, good hearted people would do in such a situation. He sought out the stewardess, hoping to grab a vodka and orange juice, and who knows, maybe even a smush. Finding her lying as a rag doll would on the remnants of the burning planes floor, Ronnie became quite scared.

"Bitch, you spilt all the vodka!" He yelled out. No response.  
>"Bitch, did you hear me? You spilt the vodka! How am I supposed to create great works of art if I can't get drunk off my ass?" Still no words came from the stewardess's mouth, and upon further inspection Ronnie realized she indeed had no mouth at all.<p>

"I bet some Gorilla gave you that because you spilt at the vodka." He nodded furiously, knowing his predictions were most likely right.

After the woman failed to even nod, Ronnie bent down to get a better view. Perhaps, just maybe, there was some rum, or some gin that was unscathed. He was able to scavenge a single bottle of whiskey, and chugged the shot like his life depended on it. Then, with his large attention span beginning to grow short, Ronnie decided to wander off the plane in search for some easy girls, good drinks and the works of Shakespeare.  
>He was greeted with a harsh wind against his exposed, tanned muscles. Also, with a blank white horizon. A polar bear aimlessly walked by Ronnie, glancing at him only to be returned by Ronnie's steroid filled gaze, and deciding his meat would not be tender enough to eat, continued on.<p>

_"What will I do?"_Ronnie thought to himself. He glanced down at a corpse beside him, spilling out of the plane, and noticed the fully dressed body had something he needed. A beer.

Walking upon the arctic ice streets, beer in hand and creep face at ready; Ronnie realized that the arctic was not the place to be. No clubs, no girls, no gym.  
>It only took him a matter of minutes to fall to the ground, crying, and furiously punching the thick sheet of ice.<p>

"Why me, huh? I'm the greatest person to ever live! Well, maybe besides Kanye West!" He screamed to no one in particular. Then, the alcohol mixture with his persistent steroid use overtook him and he passed out in a fuelled rage on the ground.

Ronnie awoke to the smell of fish and could only assume he was back in his small single bed with his ex Sam. _"Shit, this is going to cause me all sorts of problems. Oh well, our relationship will only last approximately 3 hours and 16 minutes anyway."_He pushed himself up, and still not gathering the sense to open his eyes, called out to Sam,

"Hey bby, can you fry me up a 10 pound bag of potatoes? Oh, and make sure to pour a giant jar of protein powder all over them, just the way daddy likes them." He chuckled to himself at how clever he was to call himself "daddy."

"Meep Mep." Sam replied, and Ronnie thought how weird it was to not hear Sam bitching.

"Oh gurl, I luv you sometimes. Only sometimes, though." Ronnie said with his most heart filled, soft voice.

"Meeeeep Moop" Sam whispered back.

"Yeah, I am looking good, aren't I?" Ron replied.

Finally, he remembered he could open his eyes, and when he did was shocked at what lay before him.

"Sam, you look awful." Ron exclaimed. "Did I accidently go into Hulk mode and beat you again?" He asked, searching his memory for any piece he could retrieve. No, there was nothing, all he could remember was this fun dream about getting drunk on a plane and it crashing, most likely due to his awesomeness.

"Meep Moop Moop Mep!" Sam replied.

"I don`t mean to scare you Sam, but you look like…" Ronnie stopped in midsentence, trying to remember the right words, "a clay penguin, really." He finished, proud that he remembered the words.

"Meep Mep" Sam responded, looking quite hurt.

Ronnie stood up, figuring he was just that drunk that Sam resembled a penguin. Once standing, though, he realized his head was extremely cold.

"Are we in a fucking ice cube or something?" Ron asked aloud, but really meant to think it to himself but could not control his brain.

"Mep Mep" Sam shrugged.

"Sam, I don`t have time for your attitude. I'm like, really cold." Ron scanned his surroundings, and found that they were in an Igloo.

"Sweet! Canadian girls are legal at 18, let's go creep!" Ronnie barked out, only to realize that he let this thought slip in front of Sam. He closed his eyes and flexed his muscles, ready to hear a bitching nag from his ex-girlfriends lips. When none came, Ron pushed himself to open his eyes. It took a few minutes.

"You…" He paused, forgetting how to speak temporarily, "You aren't Sam, are you?" he asked.

The penguin shook it's head, bits of clay flaking out from the friction created by the act.

"Well, what`s your name then?" He asked, searching the penguin up and down.

The penguin bent down, and wrote in the little bits of snow, "Pengu."

Ronnie smiled ecstatically "Pengu! That's defiantly better than _Snooki_ or _The Situation_! I dig, Pengu, let's go clubbing now."

Penguin followed Ronnie out of the igloo, and bravely placed it's flipper in his strong, tanned hand. Ron came to a halt, and cautiously looked down to meet Pengu's beady eyes.  
>The two stood there, hand and flipper interlocked, completely intoxicated by the others gaze. Because Ronnie forgot how to walk, they remained in that position for the rest of the night….<p>

As the sun rose, Ron realized he had been staring at a penguin for roughly eighteen hours. Sadly, this wasn't the first time he had done it.

"I'm pretty tired after spending the whole night on my feet." Ronnie spoke cautiously. "Should we, uh.." while most average human beings would leave that pause due to the awkwardness of where the conversation was heading, Ronnie was actually once more, forgetting how to speak.

"Meep." Pengu nodded with excitement. "Moop mep?"

Ron nodded slowly, "yeah, uh, that sounds tight."

The two slowly walked back into the igloo, Ronnie unsure of what the next move would be, stood awkwardly above Pengu's makeshift bed of snow, ice and more snow.

"I guess I'll just uh, sleep on the floor." Ronnie spoke quietly, unaware that because he was wearing a tank top and a pair of shorts, he would most likely get stuck to the ice, if not die. Pengu, however, did realize this fault in his plan.

"Meep Mop Mep Meep." Pengu shrugged.

"Are you sure you want to share the bed?" Ronnie asked with hesitation, "I mean, are you sure you're ready to spend the night with someone as hot, smart and perfect as I?"

"….Meep Mop?" Pengu asked with much embarrassment.

"Yeah, that sounds good." And with that, Ron lay upon Pengu's bed, opening his arms slowly.

Pengu lowered himself into Ron's comfortable embrace, awkward at first, but once feeling Ronnie's powerful steroid filled arms wrap around him, sighed with comfort and nuzzled his clay beak into Ron's warm skin.

"Don't worry, if the dye from your beak stains my skin, I'll just look even more tanned and fly." Ron spoke soothingly into Pengu's ear hole.

"Meeeeeep" Pengu crooned lowly.

"You're right, this feels good. It feels….right." Ronnie whispered back.  
>With that, the two fell asleep embraced in each other's arms and flippers, and entrapped in each other's hearts.<p> 


	3. Chapter 2: Every Day I'm Waddlin'

Ronnie awoke to a cold, malleable embrace. He glanced over to see what felt so good against his pecs and saw two adorable beady eyes and a long wing stretched across his chest.

"Hey Babeh P," he crooned. "I can't believe I'm waking up next to you. I don't remember what we did last night, due to my permanent over-the-legal-limit blood alcohol content, but I bet it was dope sexy smushin'"

Pengu's beak creased into a frown and his clay eyes narrowed. "Meep MEP MAP!" he exclaimed, angrily.

"WHAT, BABE? YOU GONNA' FRONT ON ME? Just 'cause I didn't remember doesn't mean I don't LOVE YOU!" Ronnie flew into a rage, knocking the igloo into disarray and ramming his fists into some nearby polar bears.

"Meeeeeep! Meep meep MEP!" Pengu cried, waddling around in the snow and fluttering his wings in panic. "Mehp! MEP!"

"Pengu... I'm so sorry," Ronnie began to cry. "I keep my emotions so close to the surface. I didn't mean to hurt you, bro." Ronnie sat on the ground and sobbed uncontrollably.

"Mep mep. Maappppp," Pengu crooned. He placed his wing on Ronnie's head, caressing him soothingly.

"Babe that feels so good," Ronnie said, huskily. "Let's smush."

Pengu and Ronnie pulled some snow atop their heaving bodies as they gave into their urges. "MEEP MEEEEP MAAAAAAHHHHH!" Pengu climaxed, as Ronnie's muscley steriod-shrinked lovestick pounded him like fists in a nightclub.

"Oh Pengu... your clay feels so good wrapped around me."

After fourteen seconds of pure, unbridled passion, Pengu and Ronnie curled up together and took a nap, because that was one of the few things Ronnie was capable of doing in his life.

When they woke up, Ronnie took Pengu's hand and they walked towards the frigid ocean.

"How do we get out of here, Peng-y?"

Pengu mepped knowingly and allowed Ronnie to mount him. "Mep MEHHP!" he warned, teasingly, and dived into the ocean. Ronnie rode Pengu as he swam with all his penguin might to the nearest arctic current that would take them to THA SHORE.

"Ronnie's takin' on J-Town, watch out!" Ronnie screamed, ecstatically.


	4. Chapter 3: Ice cold luv

After several days at sea, Ronnie began to grow impatient and somewhat psychotic. Endless pools of water, the constant bobbing friction of Pengu against Ron's crotch, and the consistent smell of fish brought on memories of Ronnie's ex-girlfriend Sam.  
>"Sometimes I wonder, <em>'does she miss me?'<em>" Ron asked out loud.  
>Pengu came to a screeching halt in the water, bothered by Ron's insensitive thoughts about another woman. Daringly, the penguin bumped Ronnie into the ice cold water.<br>"Ah! It's so cold! It's like sobering up!" Ron screamed in a panic.  
>"Meep Mep Map Moop!" Pengu yelled with a faint touch of hurt in his voice.<br>"I didn't mean to say that, Peng! Sometimes I forget that my brain is connected to my mouth, or that my mouth is connected to my brain, or even that my brain and mouth are both connected equally!" Ron tried to explain. However, his vast intelligence flew over Pengu's head.  
>"Mep Mep…Moop" Pengu let a tear slip down his cheek, it instantly becoming ice.<br>"Yo, little Wayne has permanent tears too! Pengu, you got street cred'." Ronnie nodded like a cool guy would.  
>"Meep Meep Mop Map." Pengu shook his head, realizing it was useless. This relationship just wouldn't work; the genius artist known solely as <em>'Ronnie'<em> would never truly love a clay penguin.  
>"Pengu…" Ronnie began to shiver uncontrollably. "I'm being electrocuted!" Ron yelled out in terror.<br>If Pengu wasn't so worried about his clay flipper freezing to himself, he would've held it up to his forehead in shame as to how stupid the man he loved really was.  
>"Pengu, I'm going to die soon. Not even a cool way either like being shot, alcohol poisoning or falling out of a plane fucking some short tanned girl. No, I'll die being electrocuted." Ron began to cry uncontrollably, "My only regret is that you'll never know how much I love you. We'll never get to fight with each other again; we'll never get to hit that adorable stage of domestic abuse."<br>Ronnie began to lose consciousness, which really, wasn't the biggest change in his daily routine. However, Pengu hearing Ron's heart filled declaration of love, could not allow him to die in such a plain, unoriginal way of death.  
>"Mop Mop Mep!" Pengu screamed and picked up Ron's body, carrying him to the nearest ice shield. He threw Ronnie's lifeless body upon the ice. It cracked, and Ron fell back into the water.<br>"Mip!" Pengu cursed, and tried yet again. It cracked, and Ron fell back into the water.  
>Finally, the penguin spotted a patch of ice harbouring two polar bears, and decided that their weight combined should prove the ice stable. He gave Ronnie's body a mighty throw, and he slid amongst the ice.<br>Checking his vital signs, Pengu knew Ronnie was in serious danger. He wrapped his flippers around him, crying silently.  
>"Pengu…." Ronnie coughed, "I'm dying. Like, seriously."<br>Pengu knew there was only one option, only one thing hot enough to warm Ron's cold body and soul. He waddled a mere two paces so that he was at Ron's legs, his back facing his love.  
>"Meep" Pengu whispered.<br>"Are you sure?" Ronnie asked quietly.  
>"Meep Mep!" Pengu screamed out.<br>Ronnie pushed himself up onto his feet and cautiously crouched behind Pengu. He forgot where Pengu's hole was, if he even had one. So, in the dire situation, he simply stuck his three inch manhood into Pengu's clay. It sunk it and curled around him.  
>"Now this, is what we call smushing. LITTERALLY!" Ron laughed to himself, though he wasn't exactly sure why.<br>After 12 seconds of hot, passionate, man and penguin love, Ronnie exploded and felt all the life coming back to his body.  
>"Pengu, you saved me." Ronnie cried silently. "Your love, it saved me." He held the penguin close to him.<br>"Moop Mep" Pengu whispered out.  
>"I'm sorry for thinking about…. <em>Her. <em>But from this day on, only we exist. We, Pengu, are real." Ron rubbed his hand along the cold, frozen clay of Pengu's back.  
>Pengu embraced his human gorilla, and the two watched the sun set in eachothers arms.<p> 


	5. Chapter 4: Gym, Tan, Drama

Ronnie realized he had been staring vapidly at the sky for several hours.

"Pen-Pen, arn't we supposed to be doin' something, dawg?"

"Moop mep," said Pengu. "Meep mep mehp."

"You're right, PenDoll! We goin' to tha SHORE!" Ronnie exclaimed as he flexed his muscles excitedly.

Ronnie climbed back on Pengu's back and they dived back into the water. Clay doesn't offer much resistance in the water, so they made it to the American east coast in record time. Pretty soon, Ronnie could see the the t-shirt stores, shoddily constructed fairgrounds and fast food kiosks of his favourite place in the world-Jersey Motherfuckin' Shore.

"YEAAAHHHHH! RONNIE IS ALL UP ON THIS BITCH! GET READY TO PARTY, GET OUT THERE, GET FILTHY, CREEPY AND WEIRD!" Ronnie began to fistpump the sky, beads of sweat pooling in the creases of his muscles. Pengu beamed at his love, adoring his passion.

"Meep mep moop!"

"That's right SweetGu, we're gonna tear this place apart! I can't wait to go to tha CLUBS tonight!"

"Meep map?" Pengu questioned.

"Of course we're going to go together babe," Ronnie said. "But first... I'mma take you out for a romantic evening."

"MEEEEEPPPP!" Pengu exclaimed. "Mep moop map meep mo! Meep mop meep! Mop map meep mah mep! Mo ma meep mah meh meep!"

"I'm glad you're excited bro. Wear your slutty dress, the one that shows off yo' tailfeathers," Ronnie winked and grasped Pengu's heaving chest.

They dropped off their stuff at the shore house and picked out their tiny bed to share that night. When they made it to the restaurant, Ronnie bought a bottle of wine (and three shots, two beers and a cocktail) and shared a delicious appetizer with Pengu.

"Babe I just love you so much," Ronnie crooned. "I can't wait to get all up on you tonight."

"Moop mep," said Pengu, heavy-lidded with adoration.

When they had finished, they went home, freshened up and called the taxis.

"MEEP MOOP MEEEEEP!" Pengu called, as he saw the cabs pull up.

"Cabs are here? Alright Pen-y, let's jet!"

They stepped into the club, which was BUMPIN', and Ronnie immediately raced to the bar to get his ass drunk enough to raise tha roof. Pengu danced on the floor, immensely enjoying all the stares he was getting in his tight, flower-patterned minidress. He turned around to see where Ron-Ron was at, and saw him two feet away from a fat, blonde grenade. He immediately began to seethe-How dare Ronnie creep on other girls? He gave an angry "MOOP!" and stormed out of the club.

Ronnie turned around to see Pengu's tail rounding the corner. "Babe?" he questioned...


	6. Chapter 5: DTF Down to fail

Ronnie remained at the club, eyes scanning frantically for Pengu, but could not locate his love. For a minute, Ron pondered if Pengu even existed; perhaps, his brilliant mind was so creative, enough to recreate a penguin as a hallucination. To be fair, Ron never really knew what sobriety, or class, even felt like anymore, so the whole love affair might have never been.  
>To squash his fears, he checked his gigantic, elephant like biceps and found flipper marks made from his and Pengu's passion. He smiled, happy to still have the penguin in his life. He continued to party, not realizing what Pengu's departure really meant.<p>

Back at the shore house, Pengu was in a rampage of hurt. His flippers raised in hysterics, he screamed out "Mop Mep" over and over again with tears streaming down his face. Finding the bejewelled Ed Hardy shirt he bought for Ronnie, Pengu frantically tore at it, even eating some pieces for good measure.

"Map Mehp….Moop Moop Mip." Pengu cried silently, knowing that perhaps he should've told Ron the news he had earlier discovered when disposing of his clay juices.

"MEEP MAH!" Pengu yelled out, decided if he couldn't tell Ron, he'd_ show_ him.  
>Pengu climbed onto his and Ronnie's bed, squatting down, trying to keep his feet attached to his body. He gave a mighty heavy, his eyes set in determination, and then, it began.<p>

At about seven thirty am, when most people are heading to work, Ronnie was stumbling home extremely intoxicated like all cool people do. He walked into the shore house, deciding that he'd wake Pengu up so he could get it in. The stairs, all five of them, took roughly an hour to accomplish. Ronnie's muscle weight even managed to break three of them. Finally he stood in front of their bedroom door, and smirked to himself because he was going to get his sexy on. However, opening the door, he found the lights on, and Pengu gone. He looked around the small room, and even checked under the bed in case Pengu decided to sleep down there for some reason.  
>Standing back up, Ronnie came face to face with a batch of large eggs. He yelled out for Pengu, and received no response.<p>

"If you're going to make me breakfast like a bitch should, a tip would be to keep the eggs in the kitchen honey." Ron shrugged, still no answer to his considerate, helpful hint.

For a slight second, Ron contemplated eating all the eggs raw, out of the shell. While lying in bed, too. But, he still had a four inch rocket ready for take-off, so he searched the rest of the house for Pengu. On the kitchen counter, he found a note written with Pengu's beautiful hand writing.

_"Meep Moop Ronnie,_

_Map Mop Mip Meep. Moop Moop Mak? Meep Mep Mop Map._

_MAP MOP MIP MIP? MEEP MEEP."_

Ronnie somehow knew what this meant, and realized that the large, odd eggs were not his breakfast. They were apparently his children, and according to his lover, he was stuck with them. He wouldn't even get child support, because penguins don't have jobs.

Of course, Ron went into a rage; ripping out the kitchen island and the fridge, picking up the random passed out guy on his couch and throwing him, punching a hole in the wall. He heaved out of breath in front of the hole his awesomeness created and saw the eggs.

"I'M TOO YOUNG AND COOL FOR CHILDREN!" Ronnie screamed, and ran into to the room at a speed of superness.

"You wanna break my heart, Pengu? Well, I'mma bout to break your eggs!" Ron yelled out, and if anyone else was there besides the guy who was still sleeping, now on the ground, he would've looked extremely powerful and cool.

Picking them up one by one, he began throwing them on the ground and walls. Then he realized, if he was going to waste perfectly good penguin babies, he might as well egg people with them.  
>So opening the window, he saw all the squares off to their jobs and decided to teach them a lesson. Men in suits were soon drenched in penguin guts, women in their skirts and blazers were also covered in penguin fetus goo.<p>

"THIS IS HOW A GUIDO PARTIES!" Ron yelled out to them, and all of the workers simply replied "dick" or "what a douche."

Ronnie quickly became tired, and fell dramatically to his bed taking off all his clothes. Snores overtook him, and he was out like a glow stick after a night of partying.


	7. Chapter 6: DO SOMETHIN CRAZZYYY

Pengu wandered down the streets, crying. Several people tried to help him but whenever they got close he just yelled "MOOP!" and pushed them out of the way because WTF PPL CAN'T U C I'M BUZY HERE?

Eventually Pengu decided he would go home and teach Ronnie a lesson by telling him all the reasons why he's wrong and a bad boyfriend, and then deny Ronnie the opportunity to make it better. He walked in the door and up the stairs to their bedroom. It was dark, but he could see Ronnie's shirtless form passed out on the bed. He tiptoed over to him but... what's this? the ground was all slippery and it kind of smelled like old cream cheese. "Moop mep?" Pengu whispered to himself. He flipped on the lights...

"MEP MEP MAPPP! MEP MEP MEPPPP! MOOP! MEP MOOP MEEP! MEP! MAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPP! MEP MEP MEPPPP! MAHHHH! MOOOEHHH! MAH MAH MEPPP!"

Ronnie jumped awake, ready to fight the guido that was startin' shit with him in the club.

"MOOOOOOOP! MEP MOOP MEHHHH!" Pengu cried, his black clay running down his cheeks dramatically.

Ronnie didn't know why Pengu was so upset, but couldn't remember how to move his mouth, so he just stared blankly.

"MOOP MEP MEP?" Pengu accused. "Meep moop meh! Moop mah!"

"WHAT? Is this about your stupid EGGS?" Ronnie yelled. "Who said I even wanted kids, brah? YOU WENT BEHIND MY BACK!"

Pengu pointed his wing right in Ronnie's face and gave him sum atti-tude, "Mee meep MOP!"

"BITCH WE'RE OVA, YOU CAN KISS DEEZ ABZ GOODBYE" Ronnie stormed out, smashing the walls and leaving Pengu crying on his knees, surrounded by the remains of his unborn children.

The next morning, Pengu came up to Ronnie with an exaggerated calm. "Moop mep mep moo," he said.

They sat down to have a serious discussion, but two minutes in they started making out because they just couldn't deny eachother. Ronnie began pulling off Pengu's pink sweatpants and tank top and Pengu ran his wings down Ronnie's abs. Pengu's beak was so soft and delicious, and kind of salty... Ronnie moaned with pleasure as it reminded him of a big pulsing muscle, not unlike the muscles of his own arm. As he grasped Pengu's clay parts, Ronnie's Italian Breadstick throbbed with pleasure. God, Pengu felt like one giant sexy muscle, all warm and rounded... Big sweaty muscles that flexed and moved with such grace... Ronnie gasped and took Pengu roughly with a fiery passion.

When they were done, Pengu turned to Ronnie and mepped, "Moop mehhh."

"You wanna go shopping Pen-Pong? Babe I'll buy you whatever you want babe babe babe," Ronnie crooned. He vowed to treat his Pengu right from now on.

It seems that promise was not to last...


End file.
